This blog isn't meant to be gloomy, but...
According to one spiritual teacher I know, we’re often growing more when alone.
And the simple fact is: the world today is a very delusional place. Especially many men today are healing, and should probably not be in a relationship at this time. They are still too war-like, or at least, that is what's in them. Because war was our past. Men got sent to war.
And of course, many people get together and then have kids that they didn’t plan. Which equates to 20 years of very serious responsibility. And often great difficulties, as not all kids are little angels.
I am a good listener and have heard from several young moms: the dad left. She never expected to raise the kids on her own. And the child had nightmares. Or was a bed-wetter, Or was a bully. I think a lot of moms age rapidly in those first few years.
I also hear that people tend to marry their mother, or their father. That I believe is what’s meant by ‘karmic’ relationship. Instead of dharmic. They are really replaying the past, and will suffer it. Dharmic is an alignment of purpose, not a personality relationship based mostly on desire.
“Some relationships that seem to be made in heaven, were actually make in hell.” - Eckhart Tolle.
In other words, they ‘fell in love’ but it was really their karma that fell in love. I watched a close family member marry and divorce twice. But that was our past: working was the main thing people did. Not self-development, dharma practice or even creativity. Work and desire. If we don’t transform the past, we will probably replay it - this is why the Buddhists call it “The Wheel of Samsara”. The wheel spins itself.
And a Good Relationship can be Wonderful!
There can be more joy with a companion. It keeps our ego in check (false gurus never have a wife). And a lot of complementation and synergy can happen if we are aligned. Many of the most successful people would not have done it without loving support. And sex of course is also healthy for the body. Very, I think. So relationships can also be very good, supportive, and healing.
So why are so many kind, loving people, alone?
“There are forces working *knowingly* to keep us apart” is what I have heard.
And they work psychically, by creating self-doubt, confusion, depression, insecurity. There is strength in being with the right person in the right place, and the dark lodge knows this. So we are often in the right place at the wrong time. Intuition directs us, but interference miss-directs us.
We get attached to what we should relax about, and too detached about what we should prioritize.
“You do need one to two people to really communicate with”.
“Speak your revelations. Otherwise, remain silent."